I'm so tired.. Life so unfair to me..
Give me a poor family, nt very good looking face, No childhood, parent no fighting day in day out.

People may think that I very good life.. but coming to it.. Do I?
-Went to a primary sch that dun really care or push me to study and parent also dun bother.
end up in EM3.
-Sec sch at least gt Miss Goh to guide me round. Make me a top in the cohort of NT. but N level result never get to my target. got 5th position. Some people may said it's good but to me. It's very lousy. I wan to be 1st, I work so hard for it yet I fail. WTH.
-ITE = NO heart in study at all. I hate it. oNly know how to PLAY and PLAY .
-McDonald's, Although I'm proud to work in Mac as a Manager, but in real life. People think that Mac Manager is lousy de.. I work my way up the rank but what I get? Angry from my fren cos they came in early then me but nv promote first. but i work for it.

Thought out my life I have been blaming myself for all this and think that I'm jus bad luck.

I'm not good in word but I only know. I wanna change. I wanna to take back what I have lost.

Christohper Koh
One ID nw. AJS.

1 week nv update, not because my internet down but jus because that...
I'm too tired and lazy to do it.. and since on one is reading..

Anyway let me recap my Bad life of last one week first.
Monday to Thursday = Work as normal. End at 4.30pm go home. = NOLIFE!

Friday = Strait Time reporter coming. wash kennel fast fast then waited for them for 1 hour with the dog .. In the end... NV COME OVER TO KENNEL AREA! Knn.. Waste my time.. make me gastric pain..

Sat = Not working. Went to Chinatown find mama take money then went to bugis buy berm and then call Jerlyn to meet me in town.. then bought a belt in far east 77th street b4 going back to HG for dinner with her and joanna.

At night, meet wellness and Jojo to go dwn to PLAY.. When reach maxwell market.. Wellness and Jojo is like PR-ing around then I like very sian.. After that wellness sign me in and then I went in to find kenneth.. he was with his fren so I after while then go find wellness and slack abit.. after that.. MR Brandon came and start getting very close with me (when it's out first time meeting..) Then tat baoxian also very bad hide behind him then never say hi to me.. kanna sai.. Argh..
Went back round 2.30am.. cos next day still working.. TIRED..

SUNDAY= Went to work in the morning.. as usual, DZ late and i waiting at MRT stating.. then YS late. hais.. anyway today benard also got come today.. haha. ok then wash finish then go home.. after that... I went to grand ma hse and waited for so people to come.. in the end. I kanna bluff again.. (WHY EVERYBODY LIKE TO BLUFF ME KNNBCCB) After waiting for 1 hour I left.. back in home and sleeping..

Christopher.

I'm Fucking tired nw.. but can't get to sleep at all.. dun understand why.. Edison, you said will accompany me chat de. But you cheated me two days le. Argh.

Many things in my mind nw but I just don't know how to sort out OR maybe is because I don't wanna sort out.
Santa ar santa.. I really hope u can help me fulfill my wish..

Coming weekend i wan go PLAY. Anyone wan bring me in? hais.

I hate myself for being so idiot.
I hate myself for not being loveable
I hate myself for not being able to dun love you
I hate myself for keeping you in my mind every sec.
I hate myself for being such a loser

ARGH... Iwanna a de-stress !!!!!!!!!!!! Bursting up soon.

Sob.

Christohper

Extracted from Noel's blog.

DEAR SANTA,

I KNOW I HAVE NOT BEEN A VERY GOOD BOY, ESPECIALLY THIS YEAR.
I'VE HURT MYSELF, HURT OTHERS, CAUSING PAIN & GRIEVES.

CHRISTMAS IS APPROACHING. A DAY FOR SINGLES TO FEEL LONELY.
I KNOW I DO NOT DESERVE HAPPINESS, MAYBE NOT NOW, MAYBE NOT FOREVER,
BUT I DO WISH, & I PRAY, THAT YOU CAN BE KIND ENOUGH TO FORGIVE ME & SEND SOMEONE, SOMEONE WHO CARES, TRULY CARES, TO ME.

A PERSON WHO DOESN'T MIND MY FLAWS NOR MY LOOKS.
A PERSON WHO CAN ACCOMPANY ME THROUGH LONELY NIGHTS.
A PERSON WHO WILL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR ME WHEN I'M DOWN.
A PERSON WHO IS THERE WHEN I NEED ONE.
A PERSON WHO CAN SHARE THE JOYS & SORROWS TOGETHER.
A PERSON WHO IS MY VERY OWN.

=)

SANTA... PLEASE?


SIGN OFF.. WITH HOPE,

CHRISTOPHER XU ZHIHAO

==================================================================

Very long didn't blog . Let recap abit of my life last few day..

Monday to thursday = NO LIFE DAY! Go camp at 8AM leave at 4.30PM. That's all.. haha

Friday= Went to PLAY with edison.. actually dun wanna go de cos need to play for the entrance.. But lucky got da joe help bring us in.. haha THKS JOE. Saw wellness and JOJO at maxwell market while waiting for edison with joe.. Talk abit.. went in that time saw imran at the door..Went to E-bar to look for andy as he is there.. then saw kenneth there too. with new boiboi.. haha. . jkjk after go in PLAY. haha Club till 3am light on then leave le. after that we went to take bus home. O ya and i got to know one more person. warran. edison fren..

Sat= Morning went to work.. Me and WeiX2 like zombie like that cos both never really slp.. He is becos he is no night shift me is I go PLAY.. haha. Wash very slowly untill 11pm till finish haha.. After that went home and slp le.. at night actually wan go PLAY. But nobody pei.. then andy is there with his dear then sure wun bother with me de.. hai..

Sunday = ToDAy.. Worse of all.. NEVER GO OUT AT ALL.. At home slp all day.. Edison never reply me at all.. ARgh.. haha I know he is working la.. jus trying to nag nag abit.. Cos I'm DAMM BORED>>>> =3

CHRISTOPHER
I WANNA FLY..

I feel that I like no bf will died now.
Christopher, wake up la.. Stop being so cheap!!!

I found out something today. I FORGOT HOW TO SMILE?!
Was trying to smile whole day but all seem so plastic.
Once people get older they tend to forget alot of simple things.
How to Smile?
How to cry?

I'm really very tired.
Thought that kenneth will be a nice shoulder to lie on. but.. things alway goes again my wish.
Actually God, I only have simple wish. A nice bf who care bout me and love me for who I am.

Where can I find the right guy.. Hate myself for being ugly. Argh

My hearts broken by kenneth. Going to rest. Dun look for me.

Lot's of thought today.

1. Relationship.
-Kevin is making me lost. Here he treat me like his stead, there he dun wan to be my bf. Is he trying to play with me? I dunno. I just hope not. My heart can't take it.

2.Ajs
-Kenneth said wan meet me today but in the end never meet . somemore is last min tell me cannot. hai..

3.Sports
-Today play some sport with them. Find that I really don't have childhood sia.. Can't even play a sport. kanna sai.. When people enjoying their childhood playing pokemon card, Play station and etc. Where am I? WORKING!! Freak lol.. Hate my parent lol. A person only have once childhood yet they never give me a memoriable one. FU**...

4.Work (Camp)
-Derrick is back. Feel so odd.

5.Future.
-My plan for future seem impossible to complete. I need stress from people or pressure from people then I can work to the limit but they is no one to push me . hai.

I WANNA A BF. ANYONE WAN ME? IF U JIO ME. I WILL COMFIRM ACCPECT. HAI.

CHRIS

Blog there like so strange.. Many thing I wanna but cannot said cos due to it's a open blog to public
if any officer see then I will have a hard time to explain le.. Hai..

Jus now was talking to edison.. He ask me to turn str8.. sian.. everybody seem to love to make me turn here turn there ar.. I look like toy ma? hai..

Was smsing with Kelvin for the last few day..How to say lei.. I'm really putting my heart into wooing him but I'm just scare that I will get rejected or got cheat by him.. hai.. I sound very useless hor.. hai. How I hope that he won't reject me when I ask the question. I think I meeting him on thursday or friday.. I will ask the question at that time then.. Wish me luck K.

Laptop is really going to crush anytime from now le.. Screen spoilt, USB port spoilt, Batt spoilt.. I thought like that already is very bad le. but who knows that now the Internet also got problem.. althought I know my life is not as bad as some other but sometime I really hope I can improve my life a little bit better.

Chris ( Someone who don't who he him self should be or want to be)

I WANNA GO CLUBBING!!!
I WAN TO DE-STRESS!!
I WAN MONEY!!!
I WAN BF!!!
I WAN U!!!

Got very bad feeling. Dunno is sad or unhappy.
Bad thing always come to me seem like I'm born to be the World most unlucky.
Just now went to take BTT, i was so confidence that I will pass but in the end. Na bei. Still fail..
I confirm I got pass de lol.. If i take again still fail mean the system got problem.

Ytd went for SOC movie day at Suntec, Shawn drove us there and on the way there we meet a small accident. Shall not go deeper in it. After the movie went to Marina Square and Far east plaza to shop with wai kit. Saw alot of nice things next pay shall go and buy.. Saw the crumple bag, only $98.. Yea.. Next salary out I shall go buy.

Life been very bad for me. Failing BTT, singlehood, looks not good, bill after bill to paid, mum nagging bout bill that she paid, dad said I stupid to faill BTT 2 time(Kanna sai, he then useless.), Wanted to study diploma but keep worrying bout the fees and some other some things..

Nothing good had happened to me since breaking up with Junior cos I consider the days with him was my happiest monent in this year. This year is ending yet nothing good has happened to me. Seem like this is not my year this year. Hope next year will be better.

Goal for next year:
1) Get the Driving License
2) Not having to spend next year birthday alone as it's 21st birthday.


I
am
fucking
tired
but
does
anyone
ever
bother
or
care?