Remember that I said that I wanted to get a O level cert?

I haven even started studying yet..

It's sort of another 3 min things i wanted to do again.. hai..

anyway.. I trying to chagne back my mind set..

Talking bout work, been doing kennel duties last week, find that they have alot alot of internel matter need to clear up. I also dunno how to do work in this kind of sutiation.. it's like damm irritating... U dun like him, he dun like you.. For wat men.. after all we still must work together ma.. Since we are in a team why some people just like to work in their on ways.. I really dun understand.. Fuck up lol.I really hope i can make their working way change lol.. Even though I'm the most junior there.. I believe I can do it.. with my past exprenice in McDonalds I'm sure I can work things out. Cos i'm Christohper Xu .........

Anyway, eschier seem really unwell.. Though I really wan him to be with me for the Passing Out but I really dunno if he can still take it.. Stress.. Next week test le.. Eschier, please be strong .

K shall stop here.. see when free then countine.. haha..

Ending it with 3 darling of my.. =)

Eschier ( Mine )

Storm (JX Dog's)

Nimo ( Yong San Dog's)

Christopher

Till next time...

Me and me only me..

Now at my cousin xiiang house.. just finish fixing her computer..
nw waiting for the rain to stop cos raining so can't leave..

Didn't blog quite long so shall updated a little of me...
My darling eschier had an operation so now is no Mc then can't work
so i had to stop training and be kennel hand ... It's a good thing cos I can learn more thing
bout kennel hand first and somemore that Tiger training is now repeating every time
I'm also getting tire and bored of it le..

ytd was at camp doing my kennel duties then when collecting feedbowl
the dog Huey bite my leg and now it is swollen.. hai..
dunno wat to said, i only wan to take back my bowl u also dun have to bite right? aiyo..
Anyway, after that yong seng help me to treat the wound now is better le only have swollen..

Now, Nicky is angry with me for not replying his message then I also dunno what to do ..
hai ..
forget it..

Farewell..

Last few day few thing done..
1) ______________
2) Change my phone number.. But still got problem.. Settling with singtel tmr..
(Should I give to ALWL? My hear said yes while my brain said No... I'm confuse.. )

Been over spending alot this two month.. althought I have try very hard to contral but it seem like I just can't control it will.. I just can't meet end.. Bill after bill i'm settling.. I'm going crazy one day seeing the bill.. I even dream getting kill by mail.. WTH lol.. I'm only 19 not even 21 yet i stress over all this thing all the time and i du nhave any childhood..

I finally know why i'm so outcast at time le.. Cause when they are enjoying their Child or teenage hood.. I'm WORKING... EVERYDAY in and out of McDonald's working with no one to care bout how i feel.. I so damm piss off.. I really hope I can get out of all this mess..

Tmr off day.. I going to settle some matter then sunday going back to work..
Can someone tell me that I wun have to work till I drop died? I haven even had a day enjoying myself outside without worrying bout the bill coming in.. Can't I live in wealth for a day? just a day for memories will be nice.. hai..

I really hope all this nightmare of things will end by this year end.. I really dunno wanna take this to the new year.. All the overdue bill, debt and mood/relationship..

Nicky, I thought that I really had a chance to be with you. Didn;t realise that I was dreaming..
I fell for you.. The answer from you is like a tight slap on my face to wake up my bloodly idea..
I wishes u all the best..

Aaron, u haven been messaging me for day.. I dun noe why, I dun wan to know already also..
I too tire to think all this things... Tmr i leaving house early cos i dun wanna see mum..
Not that i'm not being a good son just that I'm sick and tired of her asking bout how's the thing for zhong done? u must do hor.. and when i tell her i'm done with it. NOT EVEN A THANKS!!!!@#$%^&* ( DOES ANYONE IN THIS BLOODLY FAMILY REALISE THAT I AM HERE? IN THIS BLOODLY FAMILY DOING ALL THIS SHIT? DO I REALLY HAVE TO DIE THEN U WILL KNOW I AM STILL UR SON? I HAD TURN INTO A Ajs(GAY) OVER THE YEAR. YET DO U REALLY CARE? )

ALOT PEOPLE COME IN AND OUT OF MY LIFE TILL NOW .. THINGS I NEVER THOUGHT WILL HAPPENED, HAPPENED..

I really have enough... All I want now is a nth.. nth at all... I no longer want anything else..

I'm taking a break.. I will not be online or replying SMS .. Other then going to camp I'm not going anywhere.. home & camp is the only two place.. In camp I will still tried my best to act normal cause tiger had warn me bout my performance. Why can't I leave my life my own ways? Maybe nobody ever can ? ...

This blog is a unknow to alot of u guys. I know. I'm not going to make this public.. So if over this period that i taking a break u all can't find me and got angry. I got nothing to said other then "SORRY"..

Christopher
Till next next time..

Sorry Guys, let me feel that someone still care for me that i'm still a importent person in someone else life...

This pic show my mood..

Ytd meet nicholas at SKRV.. first time talk to him.. seem abit shy.. hai..

anyway acc him till 11 plus.. He said he got somethings to tell me last night..

He did said but i just feel that he hads somethings else hiding from me..

To Nick: I hope was I told you didn't make u scare of me or even want to avoid me.. If those things really make u feel unwell .. Just take it as i never said anything.. Ok.. Sorry..

Just nw while otw back saw two couple hugging in MRT.. I know it's normal to see all this.. but i tried so hard to avoid seeing already why must you guy stand in my left and right direction which make me so hard to not see.. I really feel like crying no train just now.. All I need now is just a hug.. A simple normal hug .. I feel so weak now that I can no longer smile like I used to... Two things hurting me deep down in my heart.. I really hope there wouldn't be a 3th thing happening.. God, I'm already so pityful, why can't you give me abit of love? I really hating myself more and more...

Till then..

Christopher ...

Was died drunk ytd after the dinner for 7th month..
But............
I still went to movie with bestie at cine. We watch "money not enough 2" a nice show.
cried and laught..
After the movie we wentto take night rider to home.. I could have drop off at hg8 but i choose to drop at the "place". I shall not countine before i start crying again..

that's all for ytd..

till then..
Christopher

No photo at the moment.. I really don't have any mood... Sorry

Sadest National Day ever. Last year de national day if I didn't rmb wrongly..
I was with andy... this year ... I was with my bestie..

I was voimting around your house there near to the bus stop, tears start to fall..
I could have have walk by the other ways.. But i choose to walk that road like I choiced you.
Memories flow back in my mind, the kiss & hug in the lift, the sweet talk we have ..
Rmb the time u was drunk at bless and I went to fetch u home? You hold my hand in public, ask me do I like it? I really dunnop what to said.. I was really happy to have you. I didn't cherish you well that why you leave me all alone. I really misses you... I don't why my eyes is wet again.. I really hate myself. i want to leave this world. I................

Special Date...

This will be a very long, nagging and boring post cos i'm too lazy to post the photo..

Ytd, eschier, biten someone and he was sent to the hospital for stiches..
when he went home and take the medicine, he found he was allegent to the medicine so was warded in. Today morning went to see him in the van together with other trainer and trainee.
He look fine and will be discharge in the afternoon.. After Artika & Roslan incident, I really hate to hear new that people are warded in hospital for whatever reason cause that i'm worried that they will be like atika, leave me in this world without them..

After visiting him, we went to queenstown to have our lunch, chicken rice, not so bad.
Went back to camp, bath the dog then end of the training.. 4pm went to CO Run, weekly rountine.. After that then went to change up. When changing up I siad that let's wait for the other's as the only can leave at 5pm and we kennel hand can leave at 4.30pm. as it was only half an hour different. JX show a face of wanting to leave early I also dunno why, why can't he like wait for other which are also friend of his? Really don't him anymore..

Today morning also have something happened. Andy, message me saying that he had broke up with his boyfriend already. Went ask him why he said he is slping. So at night I message him and ask if he is ok. He siad ok. And guess what, he is looking for new stead already.. He must had felt very good. and only me this idiot will keep worrying for him for nth..

Lun, i'm really stress up this few month. Many things had happened. Since the day I was enlisted till now. I still rmb u broke up with mi during my 1st week in camp. My heart melted to the ground. Till now, it's not fix yet. This blog was set up with only 3 people knowing, Leo/Shirley/AARON.. I'm not letting alot of people know cause i know if there see this blog. then will pass to you. all the thing i wrote here was only men for mi to read and reflect.

I'M REALLY STRESS AND TENSE UP THIS FEW MONTH. I NEED SOMEONE TO BE HERE WITH ME .

AARON IS NOT REPLYING MY MESSAGE.

I ALSO DUNNO WHY.

MAYBE I'M JUST VERY A

IRRTATING PERSON.

Till next..........

Christopher

Yoz...
I'm back from work at k9..
seem like quite some time didn't update bout my life..

Yesterday, Went to work at 0800 after the "briefing" in the training room, we went to the lobby to wait for out trainer. waited for 1hour and they came at 0900.. Went up to the training room again.. trainer Chee go thought some safety rule for dog handling.. after that we went for lunch.

After lunch we went to collect the dog leash and other staff from Auntie Bee Lay(Nagging). As usual, she use her very "nice voice and very nice tone" tell us not to spolit the item she gave as ALL NEED TO RETURN!!!! Anyway after that went to take our dogs out for a short grooming to build the rapport..

Here our dog's name:

Christopher = Eschier

Andy = Heizi

JX = Storm

Kok Weng = Fax

WL = Bruno

Drug Addict = Pira

Eschier was the dog of Bo Wei the kennel hand, he pass to me for my training.. Thanks =)

Grooming was fun and over-all ok.. Was told that kennel hand can leave at 1630, but we end up playing beach volley ball(BVB) with some regular and trainer chan. I look so stupid in the game cause of my char, I like a complete idiot in game.. I hate it man.. Why can't i have a normal life like other so I don't have to work since small..

Meet leo at night at SKRV for dinner at McDonald. Borrowed 50 buck from him again.. hai.. total owed him 200 buck le.. I'm like so useless keep borrowing money..

Today, Samething, went to work at 0800 and was told that before we start work we kennel hand (JX & me) must go wash the kennel at least 1 or 2 row which is bout 20 dogs kennel...Think I will do it tmr ba..After that went to briefing at training room. When it ended we all went to the kennel to take out dog. Today training was ok other then eschier is not co-operating with me. really dunno wat to do with him. his ex-ex-trainer say he is use to choking, so no matter how hard i try choking he wun feel anything. So it seem like i going to need to use other method to train him..

Heart still feel as hollow as it was..

When will it be fill up..

I really don't know.

Till next time..........

Christopher

Just back from my grandmother's house.

Wake up at 11 today, watch i little tv then went to HG mall

at 1pm to the library.. Borrowed two book one bout German Shepherd the other

bout fitness..

This few day,or should I say this few week that i'm completly STRESS up..

I don't understand how life turn how this way, I'm so damm stress up with all the things

around me.. Family, Friend & alittle of work.

I have been saying it for the last few post i guess.. but never mind.. I shouldn't said anymore.

I having in debt now. Owning Leo's $150, Mum $50 and the phone bill coming up..

God, if you can, please save me.. I so fucking stress up now..

house washing machine is going to spolit soon I guess.. Anytime this year I can expect to

be washing the colthes with my two hand ba.. ARH!!!!!!!!!!

Work = NS = PiOLICE (SOC)

IPPT is going to be the nightmare to me man.. SOC standard is so diff to pass..

I'm not saying can't pass at all this time cause I trust that I should be able to pass if I work really hard from now on..

K9 unit is my currenly vocation.. I voluteer to be a kennel hand. which mean i had to take care of

all the kennel and the dog if their handler is on long leave.. I also got my own dog name, Ashlier. I can't rmb how to spell.. once i get to rmb how to spell then i correct his name in here.. Sorry in the meantime..

My fucking brother Medical checkup letter is here.. Here i'm at home waiting for him to be free so I can fill up for him, there he is going out till late and waiting for maria to help him. When will he ever change his fucking attidune. Really feel like slapping him.. Can't he grow up for once .

He's already 17 yet he don't know how to take care of the himself. WTF lol...

Leo, I'm sorry, due to the hetic schdeule, i had to cancel the training with you.. once i can setted down i will let u know k.. sorry..

Till next time...

Christoper Xu

PS:My heart is broken, Sent to the doctor. the doctor said nothing can fix it up ever using hot gule won't help. Only one thing will help me now. TRUE LOVE. I know it's impossible to get so I will just live heartless for the time being till someone will shower me with love ba..